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Election Time! Suggested Democratic Party Slogans

October 31, 2010

To all 4 1/2 readers, I apologize for the lack of posting/writing. Once I arrive in Kyiv this week, I will start posting again with renewed fury and fervor. In the meantime, I thought I’d post some campaign slogans for my beloved Democrats in honor of the mid-term election this Tuesday. Enjoy!

Change you can believe in…keep believing and it might happen!

Green Party? Green is nobody’s favorite color – vote for the ass instead.

When a Democratic President shoots missiles out of the sky to kill “suspected terrorists” and/or any women and children in the area, in gross violation of international law, other nations’ sovereignty, and rudimentary concepts of humanity, he feels really bad about it. We’re the anti-war party!

Troop increases in Afghanistan don’t count as a policy of escalation…cause it’s not Iraq. Vote Democrat!

Universal healthcare sounds like a great idea…and probably will ten years from now when we discuss it again. Put us in charge till then!

Just because we put Larry Summers in charge of Obama’s economic team – the same guy who helped create the financial crisis – doesn’t mean we know nothing about the economy. It just means we’re ballsy. Vote for us and we’ll bring Alan Greenspan back next!

Remember when you voted for that black guy and he became president? Didn’t that feel good? Now try not remember anything after that initial feeling. Vote Dems.

Could you imagine what would have happened if the Republicans won the last election? A 1992 Republican version of healthcare reform put in place instead of comprehensive change? Continued torture? Gays not allowed to serve openly in the military? Zero financial reform? Wall St. rearmed and dangerous again? Well, c’mon, it would have felt different if they had done it.

We’re the Democrats and we might believe in something leftish you believe in, though we’d never say that out loud. Vote for us anyway!

Torture is a crime against humanity…and if we weren’t a bunch of war criminals, we’d probably outlaw it. Wait, think about Bush…ok, vote for us!

There are a lot more letters in “Republicans” than “Democrats” – that’s a big difference between our parties. Vote Dem!

We believe in lots of things (just as long as a Republican or American flag isn’t within 100 miles of us) – vote for the fightin’ Democrats in 2010!

When’s the last time the Green party had a $1000 plate dinner fundraiser? Hippies are too poor to run this country like us. Vote Dem or Die!

Fuck Paul Krugman and all his silly economic knowledge! Vote Dems!

Republicans are scary; we’re less scary. That’s a great reason to vote for the Democrats!

Don’t worry – if the Tea Party was a sizable minority in Congress we’d stand up to them like we did to the Republicans when we had a majority in Congress. Just kidding – we don’t stand up or for anything. But neither do you – vote for us!

 

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